Illusions
by Isolationistmagi
Summary: A retelling of the events of Origins with a few less than minor tweaks and a less than reliable narrator. (I decided to lump together a few concepts I've been wanting to try and work from there.)
1. First Impressions

**First Impressions**

I wake up and the first thing I am aware of is the sensation of my head pressing against the slightly damp grass. I lay quietly in my bed for a time enjoying the slightly cool air. I begin thinking of what happened before I went to sleep this morning and can't help but draw a blank. Oh well, at least I'm still here. Home in bed, alive for another day. Wait...

My home doesn't have grass in it.

I draw in a sharp breath through my nose and sneeze instantly at the violent bombardment of aromas. I can smell the grass, the dew on the grass, the pines and the cones of pines, a burrow of rabbits some distance away, even the dead deer close by and to my left.

I take that as a reassurance of the thing I already know- something is wrong. My house doesn't have grass in it, and my nose isn't this sensitive. What in the name of the Maker is going on? I open my eyes to see and this naturally is when I really begin to panic. I don't even notice the trees and the sun shining down through the canopy. I don't notice that I'm in a forest, that the familiar streets of Monaco are I don't know where. I don't even notice the birds eyeing me nervously from tree branches in the distance. The only thing I see is that I have a full field of vision, and that is absolutely, unconditionally wrong. My left eye hasn't worked since... no, I don't want to think about that, I can't. Not now, there's already too much going on, too many questions to beat myself up with the memories of my life. Right at the top of the list of questions is why in the name of God is my left eye working?

The answer becomes somewhat clear as I start to pay real attention and notice my nose. It's overlong, pointed and... covered in _fur?! _I bolt upright and try to touch it to make sure, but the movement of my arm isn't right either, and I slam it back down into the dirt before I can see it come into view. My arm doesn't move like that- it can't. I can't- this body isn't my own.

The next thing I know is that I'm running flat out with no real idea where or why. It doesn't even matter, I have to get away. Away from... whatever this nightmare is. Nightmare? I try to wake up but this is no dream, at least not a dream that can be woken out of. It escapes my notice that I'm running on all fours, all that matters is escape. I can't, I'm not ready for whatever this is. Why is it happening? I duck under a low branch and feel the tips of my ears brush against it. A surge of energy goes through me and I fall completely deaf dumb and blind. I can't think, I shouldn't. I have to get away... that's all that matters...


	2. Second Glance

**Second Glance**

I don't know how long it's been since I started running but I can't go any farther. I stagger and fall and there's a splash as my mouth plants itself in water. I never even heard the stream running until just now.. funny the things you miss when in a complete panic. I lap up some of the water as I become aware of how thirsty I am and cough violently as I try to breathe and drink at the same time. I try to level out some before drinking again, and manage not to choke myself.

I take a deep breath and try standing on all fours again. Whatever I am, I'm not human... why is that? And if I'm not human, what am I? As rational thought resumes I begin to realize just how little thinking is involved in panic- pretty much every action seems to become autonomous. An idea comes to me as I eye the stream, seeing entirely too much of it. I don't know why both of my eyes are working, but I might as well put them to use. I'd be a liar if I said I'm not scared, but I have to know what I am. I carefully plod up to the stream and gaze into the water, a wolf with dried blood on her muzzle stares back at me.

Well, at least I know what I am if nothing else. I lie down again and begin to think. Something very strange is happening, and I have no idea what. The only thing I can think to do is try to figure out where I am and see how the rest falls into place. The panic's settled into an uneasy fear, which I guess is the best I can ask for, but now that I'm somewhat calm I feel absolutely and utterly lost.

Not how I planned on starting the night. The thought makes me laugh, or would if I could. I mutter "merde" in a soft whisper but instead only a soft bark issues forth from my muzzle. That just makes me laugh all the harder.


	3. Thoughts After Reflection

**Thoughts After Reflection**

Thinking over the situation I'm noting more inconsistencies then had been obvious. The first, naturally, is the time. I don't know how I know which direction east is, but I do and the sun is on that horizon. Perfectly natural I suppose, but that places the time in the morning, which is normally when I go to sleep. Either wherever this is has a clock directly opposite home, or I went to bed a lot earlier than I thought- which would make sense given that I still can't remember what happened or how I got here.

I am starting to have a very vague notion of where "here" is though, and I owe that to another incosistency. I'd been too excited to notice before, but I had used both the phrases "God" and "Maker" when I started to realize just how much was wrong. God is innocuous, but Maker is not a phrase I have ever used, or ever intended to use- not in that context. The only world I can think of that calls its god Maker is Thedas. The revelation doesn't help my peace of mind though- since it means I'm in a body that isn't mine in a world that doesn't exist, and this all seems as real as anything I've ever experienced. The idea that I might be going insane is... I don't want to think about that.

One last thing I hadn't paid any mind to at first is bothering me, and that's the dead deer and the blood on my muzzle. Had I actually killed and fed on it/. Mentally I feel sick but physically that idea doesn't phase me, which scares me more than a little. The idea of eating meat reviles me, let alone eating it fresh off a carcass. I feel sick with myself, not strictly for what I think I've done, but the indifference with which a lot of me seems to view it. I hate meat, I hate the idea of how unhealthy some of it can be, and I especially hate the way the food industry treats their livestock prior to the slaughter.

But there isn't a food industry is there? Not here. I don't know how I know that and shudder a little. The idea of meat suddenly seems a little less reviling, and the idea scares me.

So I'm in a body that isn't mine in a world that doesn't exist. I can't remember how or why I got here and am scared out of my mind in addition to not acting or thinking like myself. I suppose that's related to not being in my own body, an idea that reasonably accounts for the unwillingly altered tastes. Reasonably... interesting word to apply to a situation that makes absolutely no sense at all. That means I'm either rationalizing potential insanity or desperately trying to apply logic to a situation I can't understand. Neither sounds very appealing.

I should stop lying here though, as I'm not likely to learn anything about anything in this way. I get up and drink deeply from the stream, as I might not find another water source for some time. Surprisingly I don't have to ponder long over which direction, I find my feet, or paws rather, taking me due west of their own accord, and do nothing to try to change that. I'm not sure on what basis I subconsciously chose to go west, but it feels right somehow. Well, either right or less wrong than anything else.


	4. Some Form of Destination

**Some Form of Destination**

As I plod along I'm starting to get used to some parts of being a wolf. Being so low to the ground is a bit weird, but other things are marvelous. My ears can pick up everything, from the faintest whisper of a breeze to the chirping of birds too far off for any human to ever hear. The nose is a marvel too, I can smell the earthworms in the dirt, the sap oozing from some of the trees, even some poor rabbit that had somehow gotten stuck in mud some distance away. To its credit, it is very quiet which is why I'm relying on my nose to know it's there. The best part by far though is the eyes. I suppose they're nothing extraordinary, not like the others, but that doesn't matter in the slightest. It's impossible to describe what it's like, going to bed one morning half-blind then waking up fully restored. Even with all the strangeness that surrounds me, I can't bring myself to regret being able to look through both eyes again.

The only real drawback though is that it's messing with my depth perception, I keep thinking things are farther than they are and have consequently bashed my nose on multiple objects, including trees rocks and a thorny bush. My nose still stings from that, but it's fading away which is good. In a similar way, fear is starting to subside too as I grow ever more familiar with the body I somehow came to possess. I find myself asking more questions such as if I'm in Thedas, where in Thedas am I?

Ferelden, my mind seems to instantly say. I don't know how or why, but I instantly know that this is correct. Not only that, but I instantly know that I'm about a day and a half west of Lothering. This is feeling more and more dream like all the time but I can't wake up. I begin to ponder the time and I instantly come up with the answers of the ninth age some time after the start of the blight. I'm getting a little scared at my own apparent powers of clairvoyance. I reassure myself by remembering I've played Origins at least ten times, so it would make sense for my mind to jump to this scenario.

When I ask myself if Ostagar has occurred yet, no answer comes to mind with any degree of certainty and that is unsettling. If my mind created this illusion, shouldn't I know all the details of it? Yet I don't. I know Lothering is west, but I don't know how to get there. I know that Cailan is at Ostagar, but I don't know if Duncan and Solaryn have arrived yet. I hesitate at that thought even though I somehow know Duncan chose her. It's not so much out of puzzlement as irony, it figures it would be her. She always was my favourite warden, so of course this dream would place her in that role.

I growl softly as I splash across a shallow stream. This isn't a dream is it? My mind isn't creating this world. But then, if my mind hasn't manufactured this how can I possibly know the details? Argh, I'm going to chase myself in endless circles if I keep thinking about this. I resolve myself to simply observe for the time being and hope an answer to that question presents itself.

I take a quick drink from the stream before moving on and ponder if I should head to Lothering. I could wait for Sol there and, if lucky, maybe warn a few about the potential darkspawn threat. No, that's a foolish notion, they'll already know... well what then? Why go to Lothering at all though? Why throw myself straight into the line of fire? The answer to that I suppose is obvious- I have no idea where or why else to go. Thinking over the amount of danger I'd put myself in by being in Lothering, I think I should figure out answers to those questions.

Moot point of course, since I have no idea how to get there other than go west. I stop and turn my head to the east but I can't actually bring myself to go that way. It feels inherently wrong, whereas going west feels right. If this means my subconscious is telling me that throwing myself into the fire is a good thing, I call it a fool. Then again, trusting it has never led me astray before, so I keep going. It occurs to me that I am at the very least an idiot, and probably in no uncertain terms insane. Neither thought is particularly pleasant.

I veer more to the northwest after a time and progress in that direction for some hours before coming across a run down dirt road. I sniff it experimentally, and am only mildly surprised that I can tell the last traveler hasn't been this way in weeks. As I look up again though, the sound of wagon wheels in the distance, along with horse's hooves, catches my ear. I quickly look up the road and see that I'm covered by a rise in the path, and quickly flash into a thicket of bushes on the side of the road.

Waiting for them to come over the rise I count the number of bodies by ear. Two men and a woman conversing. There's a fourth person walking, but they have yet to speak.

I can make out the words as they approach the rise, even though I can't see them. The first voice I hear is the woman's, and she sounds concerned. "Lothering's right in the path of the blight, are you sure this is a good idea?"

A man's voice cuts in. "This is no blight, you silly woman. It's a simple surge, one the King will beat back quickly enough. Still, if they don't know that they'll want out, and they'll need supplies." He paused for a moment and I could see his sneer through the tone of his voice. _"_Besides I hear it's been a good time since a merchant like myself shows up, they'll likely have goods to sell. Things we can resell later, maybe even back to the villagers if the King fails and the darkspawn rush north."

It hits me as the group passes over the rise that this is the same merchant that was taking advantage of the villagers of Lothering in game. I think about what will happen to him if Solaryn comes this way- he'd have nothing left. The thought would make me grin if it weren't for how sad it is that Sol's intervention should be needed.

The other man asks how much longer till they reach the village and I pay more attention. The thieving merchant says two days, but the woman says two and a half. I can't recall how long I thought it'd take, but know I can make the trip in less time. I'm faster after all.

And hungrier, as a faint discomfort in my stomach reminds me. There's no food about, but maybe I'll get lucky and find something along the way, mushrooms or something... an intense displeasure seems to emanate from my body in response, and I take that as the wolf not approving of the notion. I'm in the body, but the body still holds urges from the mind that was meant for it I think. Regardless, there's certain to be food at the village, so I think I can wait that long.

As they pass by me I retreat into the trees a little further then run swiftly and silently through the trees, paying careful mind to keep the road in sight so I can run parallel to it.


	5. The First Evening

**The First Evening**

The sun's setting and it's a strange feeling. Normally I would have woken up only a few hours ago and would be leaving my home to wander the streets of Monaco about now. Well, either that or be on the chat at the Dragon Age Wiki, there's not a lot of rhyme or reason to the things I would normally do. Instead I'm feeling famished and am finding myself near ready to drop from exhaustion- and still the memories of what I was doing before waking up with reality turned sideways elude me.

Well, that's not entirely true, I'm starting to have vague images, but they're of little comfort. They're too... unreal to believe. I find myself trying to remember what I had done in Monaco prior to sleeping, but the flashes that come to my mind in response are not those of home. They're of the same forest, and I am still the wolf in those visions, much the same as I remain the wolf now. I know I wasn't in this forest when I slept though. I shudder as my feet drag along the grass. I really, truly seem to be going insane.

Well, no- if I was I wouldn't be aware of it would I? It's the world that's losing all rationale right? Maybe the Maker is playing some cruel joke on me? Oh god, I just thought maker again. I can't place faith in religion and I'm invoking the names of deities in which I have never been able to bring myself to believe. At least I know with certainty that whatever this nonsense is isn't in my head. At least I hope it isn't, it would really help if there were someone here to give me reassurances that nothing's wrong with me...

It's just me though. Just me in the body of a wolf, wandering alone exhausted and hungry towards a village that I know is going to be burned in a matter of months if not sooner. I'm left to my own judgement, which has been wrong before. Thinking about where I'm going and what I know will happen sometime soon after I get there, I suddenly find myself willing to give more credence to the idea that I am completely losing it.

I suppose I shouldn't think about this now though, considering I told myself I'd learn more then pass a judgement on whether or not this is real. The world is real enough on the surface I suppose, but the situation is- merde, I'm doing it again. I really should listen to myself when I give advice to me.

One way or another though, it isn't too much longer before I realize that I'm not going any further today- that I'm simply too tired to keep going forward. Several ideas occur to me as I begin to try and find a relatively safe place to sleep. The first is that if I sleep in Thedas, I could very well enter the fade which might lead to contact with demons. The second is that if I'm a wolf possessing the higher thought processes I only know humans (at least in the real world) to posses, then I very well could be a mage. The next revelation is that if I enter the fade, I'll be fully aware and likely a demon magnet, a notion that scares me to no end. Lastly, it occurs to me that the templars in Lothering will be able to sense my magical abilities in an instant- much the same way as Templar Bran could instantly tell that the warden was a mage.

All I wanted to do was sleep, and my mind came up with a menagerie of new things to worry about- brilliant. The best I can find for cover is a hollowed out log to sleep in, and I crawl in and curl up in a ball, more or less. I'm too scared to sleep easily, but I know I need it. Besides, I can think of at least two things that are in a strange way comforting.

The first is that if I recall correctly, Ser Bryant is the only example ever given to indicate that templars can sense magic. All other examples, especially in DAII, are so incompetent they can't even spot a mage wandering about wearing an oversized and elaborate towel. Not even Greagoir could tell Morrigan was an apostate...

The second is that if I'm accomplished enough as a shapeshifter to become a wolf, then I'm likely strong enough as a mage to resist demonic attacks. Sadly this notion isn't nearly as comforting as the first.

So I lie here, scared and alone, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I feel it coming, though it comes slowly. My thoughts begin to veer off towards home as my eyes close. How nice it would be to be strolling the streets about now, or to be hanging in the Dragon Age wiki chat. Oh well, once this is all sorted out I'm sure I'll get to do those things again. I wonder if...


End file.
